"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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