At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
