HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
