i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
