There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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