Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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