Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
