i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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