Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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