Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
