We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
