Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
