I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
