I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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