his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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