She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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