His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
