Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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