The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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