I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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