I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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