i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
