U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
