They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
now i know why i became what i already was.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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