Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I want a musical about memes.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
