It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
