Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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