you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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