I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
3 2 1 whiskey
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
