I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
