Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just forgot I was standing up.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
