Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
is that a dick in a sweater?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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