you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
