My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
