Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize