Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
