I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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