I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my shit smells like andre
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
