We're facebook friends in real life
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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