i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
