i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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