So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
