508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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