fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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