I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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