but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
