my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
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Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize