i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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