It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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