summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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