I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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