I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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