you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
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I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
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He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.