My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
