I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
