tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Come on in and take your pants off
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