I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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