just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
