tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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