I got chris browned last night
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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