Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
