I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have post one night stand depression
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