omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
