guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
