Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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