Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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