I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
