dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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