I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I CAN MOONWALK!
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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