he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
